Barbie has a great day every day. Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.

On deprogramming each other, the clusterfuck of attention needing produced by the patriarchy, and why else I loved Barbie.

⚠️SPOILERS⚠️
I really want everyone to see this movie and fully enjoy it, so I recommend not reading this if you haven’t seen it. And if you haven’t seen it, my god, see it.

Hi Barbie!!!

Last night, I went to see Barbie in theaters for the second time. Since I first saw it two weeks ago, I have been kvelling over it with friends, pouring over it in my mind, acutely delighting in that Greta Gerwig got to do this and that she did this.

Yes, I’m aware that the movie is a commercial. Yes, I did wish there were more than 2 genders in the mix. No it is not radical or high art. Yes, it is kind of a mess. And still, I can’t help tearing up for the fifth time right now thinking about the tens of thousands of women and femmes who did not previously have language to describe why living in the patriarchy is so painful, who will walk out of the theater after seeing it feeling validated, liberated, at least a little bit deprogrammed.

Here are a few of the many reasons I love Barbie:

1. We all still need to hear America Ferrera’s monologue about the litany of double standards we are held to as women/femmes. I adore the meta moment when Barbie says, “by giving voice to the cognitive dissonance required to be a woman under the patriarchy you robbed it of its power!” The movie reminds us we can help deprogram each other any time, all the time. You feel so good after Ferrera’s speech that it reminds even those of us who can articulate these things that it just feels really, really good to hear them.

2. Switching genders made the sad absurdities of the patriarchy clear and funny. One example and one of my favorite lines was: “Barbie has a great day every day, but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.” Ken’s loving friends surround him, offering love and ice cream but he is fixated on Barbie’s attention. You think “how pathetic” and then “…oh.” Oof. Yes. Too often, to have a great day, we require the male gaze no matter how many friends are offering us ice cream. This is also true of men––the patriarchy makes us need their attention but it also makes them need us to need it (if a man is masculine in the forest…). In this clusterfuck of attention needing, we all lose. I once saw Gloria Steinem speak and she blew my mind saying, “It’s very sad how we feel we need a man to validate our existence and how that then gives the men ego complexes. If they only knew how little it mattered which man…”*